Thursday, September 02, 2004
Singapore Idol? Singlish Idol?
Most of you will know that I watch Singapore Idol. I think its quite entertaining. Sad to say the biggest problem is Singaporean's command of English. It's an English pop idol contest and I'm sorry people, your crappy English ain't gonna cut it. I'm a genie in a borrel? They slur through the words they can't pronouce properly or for some, simply just can't pronounce. I'm sorry, if you're gonna join a competition singing English songs. Please sing English songs. Today's rendition of Gloria Gaynor's I will survive sounded more like Hindu chanting. I only caught the words "I" and well nothing more. Singaporean's English is horrendous and though that's generally quite okay in our daily lives and all, but please if you're gonna join a singing competition, then spare my ears of your horrible singing and do us all a favour and enunciate properly for God's sake. Dunno how to sing English songs properly then please go home and sleep and dun waste our time any moh lar.
Vincent has left the building! [9:33 PM]
Food is a many splendid thing, food lift us up where we belong... All u need is food!
***
Monday, August 30, 2004
The ipod
The follow text is may contain graphical language and sentences not suitable for ipod owners. If you own an ipod, the management would strongly recommend you exit this site and visit some other site more friendly to your eyes. Something like www.disney.com/ so shoo!
What is it with the ipod. Have you notice anyone around you with the ipod? Have you tried talking to them about the ipod? Trust me, don't.
There is a similarity inherent in all ipod users I have met. They are one group of cocky little fellas, I'll tell you that.
Just the other day, I was on the train and these 3 army guys boarded the train at Paya Lebar. preparing for the tedious ride to Chua Chu Kang and I guess a few other places, cause, its gotta be quite the coincidence for all 3 to be living in CCK. Unless they were brothers that is. But it be kinda odd since they all have different surnames and all. Maybe same mom lots of dads...
Anyway, they were preparing for the long ride and so, the guys starts pulling out their respective audio devices. The first guy whips out his trusty Sony discman and the third.... he pulls out... the IPOD. Now learn how to pronounce it properly. Or the legion of ipod-ers will hunt you down. Its pronounced THE I-POD. Special attention to the word THE, you really have to enunciate that word. And then say IPOD as if you were Al Queda terrorists invoking the name of Allah. So these guys start talking. The guy with THE IPOD is like going on about how he got THE IPOD the first thing when it came out onto the market. The second guy now engages the third guy in conversation. He's going, "I use mp3 CDs, but I have this problem cuz ahead nero burns my tracks in alphabetical order so I cant put my tracks in the order that i like them in." The third guys replies, "Oh!! really.. WELL i dont have THIS kinda problem. i use THE IPOD. and with the IPOD i can have... brace for this... PLAYLISTS!"
Then the second guy goes, "oh really? thats cool" to which the third guy goes, "Yea! and not only that... i can have SEVERAL playlists.." Several ladies and gentlemen, not one not two but several. That's right people the IPOD can a million and one functions. Its not just an audio device, its a jukebox. conventional music players do this while the IPOD can do all of that and MORE! Plus, its a fashion statement. If u dont have an IPOD, you aint cool. Look at that guy, he's using an AIWA. EWWWWW~ The IPOD is a lifestyle my friends. Oh yar, and btw, the IPOD costs like $1,000,000. Okay so maybe it costs about $600. Small difference. Who cares about the price, its an IPOD. $600 isnt too much to pay for a music player what with all its fancy functions. An IPOD can do just about everything. And that's just one. God noes what may happen if u owned more than one IPOD. I heard that if you own 3 IPOD's, a genie grants you 3 wishes. If you have 4 you understand women. Lets not go to what happens if you own 5. I hear they gun down those people. Too dangerous to be left alive what with them being in possession of 5 IPOD's.
At this point the first guy's twisting the head of the control attached to the earphones to select a track. To which the third guy smirks and goes, "Will you look at that? Hehe, its like a bloody remote control." then he looks down at this IPOD to further punctuate the fact the IPOD's remote is really small in comparison. But the way i see it, it just looks fatter. ITS a remote! the IPOD's remote is also a remote! what the hell is he saying? its like a bloody remote, well then maybe thats becuz, it IS! i guess he was implying to say it looked like a television remote but whatever.
Lets not even go to the IPOD armour. Its a 65 dollar metal casing to protect the IPOD. prevent it from getting scratched. no impact resistance though. dang for 65 bucks, my protective cover had better protect. its gotta be scratch proof, waterproof, shockproof. the damn thing better be tested on the moon. For 65 bucks i'll buy bubblewrap. and eat KFC with wat's left. At least i'll be full, my discman will be protected and i can listen to music while poping the bubbles.
My friend says im bitching about the IPOD simply cuz i cant afford one and that i feel inadequate. I think i dont need an audio device that costs 600 bucks. i'd rather have a dinner buffet at the Ritz. Fair warning to all, IPOD users are damn hell cocky son of a bitches. The IPOD transforms reasonable men to demons. Its voodoo i tell u. like teletubbies. Goodnite everybody.
Maybe they aren't all cocky but i think enuff of them are. Like the M*T yo yo's. mostly screwed up.
Vincent has left the building! [5:52 PM]
Food is a many splendid thing, food lift us up where we belong... All u need is food!
***
Monday, August 09, 2004
The Story of Ha and Chew
Chapter 8
The lamp hanging from the ceiling swayed lightly from side to side providing faint illumination for the otherwise dark room. In the center sat a table; an old wooden table, its surface worn away from decades of use. Three people sat in the room: two sat at the table while the last stood near the door.
"..... and as such I would strongly advise you to admit to your transgressions and perhaps I could recommend for a more... lenient course of actions to take against you, Mr Chew." Finishing what he had to say, the man leaned back against his chair. He looked quite mysterious what with the light from the lamp casting a shadow upon his face hiding most if not all his facial features.
"I swear, I wasn't making any prank calls. Why won't believe..." It would seem that Chew would once again be unable to finish his sentence for as soon as he spoke to deny the accusation, the man standing at the door would forcefully cut him mid-sentence. The proverbial bad cop played his part well.
"Not making any prank calls? You call and not speak. Breathing heavily into the phone? **[Then on the 5th and 6th try, Chew had just held onto the phone and struggled with his breathing to fight his overwhelming anxiety.]** What were you doing? I can be damn well sure that you didn't have both your hands on the phone what with all your screaming of "it" being so very HARD. **[His lips parted, dry and peeling skin tearing apart from each other slowly whilst he swallowed hard before he.. slammed down the phone! Grabbing his hair in frustration he screamed, "It's so HARD!!!"] apparently he didn't hang up the phone properly** You bloodly sick perv. And I hardly believe you don't have a telephone line at home. You'd better be forthcoming boy!"
**denotes a flashback to a previous chapter! =P** so original. hur hur
"Listen Mr Chew, give us your home number and we'll get your parents or guardian to come down and we'll sort this thing out peacefully," reasoned the good cop. "You're not doing yourself any good. The residents of the home you made harassing calls are already coming down here to the station. Perhaps with your parents around I could urge them to resolve this issue more favorably to yourself. Just admit you were in fact, making these prank calls and ....."
Chew could no longer absorb anything that was spoken after that. Only one thing was in his mind. If the residents were coming down, then so would Ha. Its over..... suddenly the dimly lit room seemed so much darker than before.
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3 hours later...
Chew looked up sheepishly at Ha. "Erm.. sorry. I mean thank you. And well and I'm sorry too."
"Please, there is no need for any thanks." Chew managed a weak smile at that reply silently heaving a great sigh of relief. "You helped me once back in school at the track. So now there are no debts."
Chew shivered, his teeth chattering and his spine tingling for such was the icy cold of Ha's reply. Goosebumps raised all over his body and his mucus froze uncomfortably in his nostrils when Ha threw Chew her sub-zero glare of death, "There is no longer any need for any interaction between us, physical or verbal. The debt's cleared. I have no wish to associate with your type. Seems like I was right about you to begin with, I can only thank god that I never got closer to you. Who knows what you might have done had you the chance." Ha's hand grabbed the collar of her shirt together protectively and gave a visible shudder before turning away, forever leaving Chew out of her life.
Chew gave a cry of anguish and away he fled! No longer did he have the courage to face the world nor did he care to for he had lost all that was dear to him. Into the canals he hid and upon the moss covered walls did he scratch out a rudimentary calendar that served only to remind him of the numerical amount of days that he had left civilization. Over the years he had scavenged on dead rats and the occasional government worker who foolishly entered his lair. Till one day, the townsfolk could no longer stand for the disappearances of innocent civil servants and the venture out to the canals with pitchforks and torches of flame. Alas, fate is cruel for the person to lead the demon slayers was none other than Ha! And so...
3 real hours later
"You!?" Ha stood there speechless for a moment before she strode across the room to stand in front of Chew. She pulled her arm behind her and swing it violently forward landing a hard slap onto Chew's face. The blow stung viciously both physically and emotionally and Chew could only stand there, his head thrown to the right from the blow, though of course the head was still attached. His cheek glowed red and felt hot from embarrassment and despairing resignation; perhaps it would be better to live in a canal. Ha's face was taut with anger and she felt quite betrayed at Chew's supposed actions. The room stood silent for endless seconds for it was obvious that Ha knew the perpetrator for why else would she slap him like so. Moments dragged on and then, without warning, the deafening silence was broken by a question. "Is this all there is to you?"
"You once helped me at the track. Let it never be said that I, Ha, were indebted to you. Officer, we will not press charges. I bid you good day." A finality in her words, she turned and walked off, her grandmother's arm held in tail. Such was her anger that she did not notice that her grandmother had tripped over a cat and was being dragged along and down the stairs of the building.
~Outside the building~
"Please! Stay awhile and listen to what I have to say." Kien shouted after Ha and rapidly closed up the distance in between them. Beads of perspiration rolling down the side of his face and lungs breathless from exertion, Kien hurried to catch his breath. "Listen, there really has been a misunderstanding."
"I should find that very hard to believe." Came the curt reply.
Wiping the sweat on his sleeve, Kien struggled to control his increasing dislike for this girl. "Listen here, you've already decided not to press charges. I've nothing to lose or gain from conversation. I just seek to right the wrong." He snapped out at her, "If you'd just be civil enough to listen you'll find your time worthwhile."
Giving his words some thought, Ha reluctantly nodded in the affirmative seeing that his words held true: that there wasn't any good reason for him to do all this, save the possibility that there truly was some misunderstanding. And with that Kien explained what really had happen though leaving out the bit about cupid's arrow sticking out of Chew's buttocks.
"But why would he be so nervous anyway?" Ha questioned searchingly.
Thinking quickly Kien blurted out a reply. "He's got TSD! That's why!"
"STD?" Gasped Ha in obvious shock, her lips covered from view by her upraised hand.
"No no, TSD, it.. it's a.. erm.. Telecommunication Speech deficiency! He got it when he was young.. and as the years went by he fell into despair for who could learn to befriend.. a freak. Moreover technological advancements have thrown a kaleidoscope of telecommunication devices into the retail market and these serve only to further aggravate his feeling of inadequacy and disability." Kien finished off theatrically. And with that loathe transformed into a sympathy limitless as Ha made a vow to help Chew fight this rare and deadly disease.
Satisfied with the result, Kien passed over a slip of paper with scribblings on top of it and left her as soon as he helped lift Ha's grandmother back onto her feet. A smile on his face he skipped off to find Chew who was at this time still standing there in the room with his head still tilted right.
~That night at Kien's home yet again~
"It's over.. I think I'll crawl into a hole and die. She hates me. She hates me."
Kien only smiled and repeatedly checked his watch for the time. And just on time, the phone rang. Quickly he picked up the phone, "Hi, Yes.. It's no problem, I'm glad to help. hang on a second. Chew, its for you."
Puzzled, Chew took the phone from Kien and listened and what he heard was music. "Hi Chew! it's me, Ha."
"Err-- Ha-- Hi," croaked out Chew in ritual intelligent primate greeting.
"Oh how silly of me! It must be SO hard for you. I'm so insensitive. Will you forgive me? Kien has explained everything to me so don't you worry, okay? How about we talk tomorrow during lunch say 130pm at the arts canteen where it'll be much easier for you to speak. Well, I shan't torture you any longer. Be brave okay? Goodbye, and don't say goodbye back, you've already done so well! *beep* *tooooooo......*" The phone went dead and all that was left was one very confused Teochew. To his side one Hokkien chuckled uncontrollably.
Vincent has left the building! [11:15 PM]
Food is a many splendid thing, food lift us up where we belong... All u need is food!
***
Might this be him?
Ha and Chew. If you are visiting this blog not for the first time, then you would definitely be familiar with these two. Contemplating creating four-panel comic strips based on these two characters. Here's an initial sketch of Chew, the male protagonist of my not very widely acclaimed and currently unrecognized ongoing story, "The Story of Ha and Chew."
Btw here are some jokes I read recently. Plz enjoy
So there was this Mat, Ah-neh, or insert any other race of your choice. And he won a car at a lucky draw. This racy flashy looking sports car. So he was cruising around in his sports car right? So one day he parks his car at some parking lot. So along comes a group of ah bengs. Naturally they're not too happy about seeing this Mat driving a car of such class. And so the head Beng goes up to the Mat and proceeds to draw a circle around him. Then he warns, "Eh siao eh, step out of this circle and I will beat you up." They then start to smash his car. At this point the Mat starts giggling. The head Beng sees his amusement and gets rather agitated and thus starts really smashing up the car, a-la street fighter bonus stage style. At this point the Mat is laughing out loud. Furious, the Beng turns and looks at the Mat and shouts, "Eh siao eh, I smash your car leh. What you laughing about?" Wiping tears from his eyes the Mat replies, "Well.. true.. But I've stepped out of this circle 9 times aledi! Heehee!"
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I am lame. Sorry =]
Vincent has left the building! [10:13 PM]
Food is a many splendid thing, food lift us up where we belong... All u need is food!
***
Sunday, July 25, 2004
The Story of Ha and Chew
Chapter 7
The thud of footfalls upon the concrete steps bounced off the walls of the building, the sound traveling perhaps only marginally faster than the fleet footed ascent of one particular man. He was charged with a certain electrifying power; the power infused in a hot-blooded healthy, albeit slightly horny, young male when first stricken with the blossoming passion for another person, especially one of the female persuasion. Feet lent wings by purpose, Chew scaled the stairs relentlessly and with astounding alacrity. An old lady pressed herself against the wall barely avoiding the boy who darted past her and once again up the next flight of stairs, disappearing as abruptly as he had appeared.
"Young people nowadays," she mumbled to herself, "Always rushing about, here, there and everywhere all rascals all of them. Back in my time.." shaking her head she slowly trailed off in her speech, lost in thought of days long past. Wearily she continued lumbering down the stairs, the reverberating sounds of Chew's mad dash upwards left in his wake.
Wheeling round the corner, Chew came to the last leg of his journey and sprint down the all too familiar corridor to where his long time confidant and friend, Kien, lived. Though strictly speaking, he didn't do too much living there so a more accurate description would be more like, where his long time confidant and friend, Kien, slept, for that is what, Kien did, for the better part of his living life. In fact, though both of them were of the same age, it could be said that Chew had probably lived twice as long a Kien if one were to clock down their waking hours.
Beyond the door, Kien lay sleeping on his bed, the sunlight falling upon his legs and gradually inching its way up his pale, milky buttocks. His consciousness dragged kicking and screaming back into the waking world by the sounds of an incessant knocking, Kien woke from his very very thrilling dream where he was a lord of an ancient warrior race. In this Kien have often argued with Chew, for he often debated that though he slept away much of most days, he did a great deal of living in his dreams and in that, Kien was in no way behind Chew but had in fact lived a much more varied and fulfilling life. Legs flipping down the side of his domain of slumber and hopefully, one day many many years down the road where the ratio of men is to women were greatly unbalanced towards the latter, fornication, Kien sat upright and rubbed at his eyes a moment then tried to stand up. He would have stood up, if it weren't for the fact that he actually fell down. Crumpling down onto the floor face first Kien cursed out loud, fifth time this month it had happened. Problem was that Kien's buttocks, was a much heavier sleeper than Kien himself, presenting a situation where his buttocks often continued sleeping even though he was wide awake.
When finally Kien's buttocks woke up, a full 5 mins later, the two of them made their way to the door and lighter sleeper of the two opened the door. "What are you doing here," Kien said groggily.
"Let me in! I need to use your phone!"
"Now?"
"Yes now!"
"Okay, wait abit then," replied Kien as he turned to get the keys. "Why do you need to use mine anyway?" he asked quizzically while he rummaged though mess on the table in an excavation for his keys.
"I don't have a phone at home remember?" snapped Chew tersely.
"Oh yar, what the hell is up with that man," questioned again holding up something that looked like a week old pizza.
"My grandmother, she doesn't like all these things at home. She's technophobic I think. Something to do with a microwave that kept exploding her eggs," Chew replied in retrospection, "I think there was also once when a rogue washing machine went wild and ravaged her delicate underthings. That was the last straw for her, she threw out most of the appliances and called them a menace to society."
"Woah," Kien upturned his brows in appreciation while he pushed aside some cans sporting fungus of rainbow colours aside. "Like the terminator eh."
"I seriously doubt my toaster is going to gain consciousness and launch nuclear missiles dude," Chew replied in mock exasperation as he watched Kien lift an underwear stained with ketchup and Cheetos off of the table.
"Hey, you'd never know. Hang on a sec, I think I see it." Then he overturned the shoe on his table and out fell the keys, much to Kien's delight. Looking toward Chew in puzzlement, Kien ventured a question, "Who do you want to call anyways?" Sensing no answer forthcoming, he asked again while he unlocked the door, curiosity now piqued, "Come on, tell me. Who is it you want to call?"
Face scarlet red, Chew confessed in embarrassment, "That girl." Knowing all too well that there could only be one girl but yet relishing in his discomfort, Kien stifled his laughter and put forth an expression of befuddlement suggesting that he knew nothing of what Chew spoke and thus requiring his elaboration. "You know, that girl!" When Kien shook his head in the negative yet again, Chew blurted out hastily, his ears now burning, "That girl that I like, you know who it is! Her name is Ha. I met her on the bus and.. I got her number."
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For the 7th time Chew slammed the phone back down onto the unit. "Again?!" Kien cried out as he slapped his pal at the back of his head. "Just say hello! How hard can it be?" Chew could only shoot Kien a dark look in feeble retort. For the past hour, Chew had sought courage, but failed. "My patience has been worn thin. Call her now!" For while Kien gave Chew all his support, Chew was a great big wuss!
For the 8th time that day, Chew dialed the number on the slip of paper, ink slightly smudged from his sweaty palms. He depressed the numbers one... by one... painstakingly slow and accurate, but as to how inaccurate one could be when dialing a number, greatly would be the reply given due to Chew's shaking hands. The first time, he had totally dialed the wrong number and all he got was an Indian on the other line. And once he took so long to dial the number that the dial tone died and he had to start all over. There were twice when he hung up immediately after hearing the ring tone and once when he hung up after hearing the ring tone twice. Then on the 5th and 6th try, Chew had just held onto the phone and struggled with his breathing to fight his overwhelming anxiety. As to why he didn't just redial instead of pressing each painful number after painful number one after another to both their agony, it just didn't occur to either.
And so, the ring tone came and after once, twice and thrice, Chew moved to hang up the phone yet again but Kien held the earpiece forcefully back onto his face mashing his ear in between the phone and his sweat covered face, then someone picked up. Chew took in a sharp breath and..... held it there. "Hello," came a cackle from the other line. Chew froze, tensed up, sweat, then shook as he looked for his voice. "Hello," came the voice again, obviously filled with irritation. His lips parted, dry and peeling skin tearing apart from each other slowly whilst he swallowed hard before he.. slammed down the phone! Grabbing his hair in frustration he screamed, "It's so HARD!!!" He looked towards Kien for consolation but already he had given up and was going back to bed, brooding over his lost sleep.
"You're hopeless," Kien concluded. "By the way, I've been meaning to ask, when did you get her number?"
"This morning, on the bus," came the reply.
"This morning? You mean this morning? This very morning?" Kien spun around suddenly and sought confirmation.
"Yes. She gave me her number this morning on the bus."
"What time is it now?" came the question as Kien advanced towards Chew.
"Erm.. Let me check, its.. 1126am," reported Chew after looking at his watch.
"And you came right to my house after that? Immediately? Without going to school?"
"Yar. I was so excited man. I couldn't wait," explained Chew as a matter of fact, oblivious to the increasing air of tension as Kien's dark look became more homicidal.
"Did it ever occur to you that she might be in school then? Please pray tell."
"Oh yar hor," Chew exclaimed in much delayed comprehension, eyes wide open, his mouth locked in an 'O' of enlightenment and his fist smacked against the palm of his upturned palm. Then Kien pounced on him.
"My sleep for this??!" Kien screamed in fury, throwing punches at Chew as he struggled to protect his face.
Then he was stopped by the knock on the door. He swung the door open ready to bark at the unfortunate to knock the wrong door but to his shock he saw two police officers standing there. "Open up, we've received a complain that the residents of this apartment have been making prank calls to harass other citizens of this country. Please come with us down to the station for investigation."
Vincent has left the building! [2:57 PM]
Food is a many splendid thing, food lift us up where we belong... All u need is food!
***
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
The Story of Ha and Chew
Chapter 6
The incessant droning of the bus engine greatly irritated Chew and the constant shaking of the bus didn't help much either. He was trying very hard to fall asleep but that, it would seem, would prove to be an increasingly impossible task. Every time he began to fall asleep the lumbering red/white pathetic excuse for human transportation would hit a bump causing Chew's head to lift momentarily off the glass only to smack back onto it inflicting no small amount of pain on Chew, but more importantly, jerk him back awake. Every single "Bumnk" only served to increase the swelling on the side of his head and to fuel the flames of his furnace of anger.
Things were only getting worse. "Bumnk!" As the journey to school dragged on, more and more people boarded the bus, every single one of them purposefully taking up more space in the vehicle and selfishly sucking in the oxygen and inconsiderately breathing out even more carbon dioxide, emitting great amounts of body heat in a conspiracy to turn the bus "Bumnk! bumnk!" that Chew sat in into a suffocating metal can wrapped in red and white wrappings, stuffed to the brim with sardine like people, placed on a heating stove for Chew to slowly melt and sweat and ... not... SLEEP.
Just then, the bus made a turn.. throwing the morning sunlight through the window and smack onto Chew's face. That bastard bus driver! He made that turn on purpose! Chew could almost hear his laughter coming from the front. "Bumnk!"
At long last, the stupid bus came to stop at the city hub where many sardines alighted to switch cans or to stick around and work in one of the large multi-level cans. Chew felt relieved and made a silent promise never to enter the corporate world where dogs ate other dogs and sardine men were swallowed whole. With the bus nearly empty, Chew's primal instinct to sleep kicked back in and slowly he drifted back to dreamland. "Bumnk!" Failure, attempting to re-enter dreamland.
He felt someone sat down beside him and that really pushed him over the edge. There were a million, no gazillion, OTHER seats to take. Those OTHER seats were looking to be sat on. Their purpose in life was to BE sat on. If she sat down on this already occupied seat, the other seats would be horribly jealous. They'd probably commit suicide, they'd probably start eating their our sponge, and why? All because this joker chose to seat on an already occupied space.
He blinked his eyes open and glanced to the side to look at the number one instigator of seat suicides. And there she was, seating right beside him, no longer nameless, beautiful semi-stranger, Ha. (But of course, this story is nonetheless the story of Ha and Chew, not just Chew)
"Good morning sleepyhead!" she beamed at him. Ha had her hair tied back today with only a few wisps of hair carelessly falling down onto her face and while she looked somewhat different from usual, Ha was not in any way less pleasing to the eye. If anything it only made her features more striking, more demanding of attention, ever the more alluring. Her eyes sparkled while she held her smile and Chew found himself staring into her eyes, no, past her eyes; as if deep into her soul.
Breaking off eye contact, Chew cast his eyes downwards and rubbed the back of his head while replying sheepishly, "No," pausing a moment before he carried on, "I was only resting my eyes, that's all."
Ha gave a laugh of amusement that sent a tingle of pleasure down his spine. Then unexpectedly she leaned forward placing her face uncomfortably close to Chew's. Sensing his visible distress at the proximity of him and herself, Ha's smile grew to a grin as if relishing in his discomfort then spoke after her inspection of Chew reddening face, "Well, it sure doesn't seem like it to me. I still think you were sleeping."
'Bumnk!' "Ouch!" "Owww!"
The bus sped over a particularly deadly hump jostling its passengers and causing a particular pair to bump foreheads. Ha winced in pain as she felt her forehead then spied at a glance at Chew then burst out giggling.
Rubbing his forehead gingerly while chasing away the yellow birds encircling his head, Chew asked defensively thinking he was being mocked at, "What are you laughing at?"
"No no! Don't get the wrong idea.. Heehee.. it just seems we're always knocking into each other, and in more ways than one," Ha pointed out with a disarming grin on her face and in short order, Chew started giggling along with Ha.
"We do, don't we?" nodded Chew in agreement still chuckling in uncontrollable bursts till finally their mirth had finally died down. He then sneaked a peek at Ha admiring her creamy white complexion and she was really quite the sight what with her cheeks flushed from the laughter making her look positively radiant. Furthermore, her ever present smile caused Ha's dimples to become an almost permanant fixture on her face. Chew could observe the details at this distance and he could even see her long curvacious lashes fluttering whilst she blinked away her tears.
Casually Ha tucked away the stray hairs that fallen out of place behind her ears then suddenly announced, "I'll have you know, I am terribly dissatisfied with you. Do you know why?" expecting no reply from Chew, Ha then continued, "You know my name and I know not of yours. Being that I offered my name to you, the very least you could do as a gentlemen was to offer you name back in kind."
Chew excitedly opened his mouth to speak his name even before his brain could muster up the words from his messy and disorganised mind leaving him sitting there with his mouth open for a few seconds before he actually started to talk. But as the words were about to leave his mouth, Ha placed her finger over his lips to silence him. "I have to alight soon. Here is my number," she said handing him a slip of paper, "give me a call tonight and tell me then. I believe you know who to ask for."
She then stood up and started for the exit, as the bus came to a halt, she looked back at Chew and smiled for a second before getting off. Savouring the slight scent left behind after her departure, he suddenly remembered the object that he had tightly grasped in his hand. Looking down at the slip of paper in his hand, Chew smiled happily and then in horror as he realised something terrible. He doesn't have a phone!
Vincent has left the building! [4:12 PM]
Food is a many splendid thing, food lift us up where we belong... All u need is food!
***
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Love, citizenship and holidays
There will come a time where you are in a relationship, and you are tempted to... how should I say, get into another, less serious but hopefully just as sexually intimate relationship. Obviously many people think its wrong, you noe, flings and such. The "cheating" party is deemed to be an arsehole, unfaithful and many other very negative connotations. But i ask u now, is it really as bad as you perceive? Flings are good. desireable. everybody wants them.
you see. being in a relationship is like being a citizen of Singapore. you get your fair share of perks, responsibilities and obviously plenty of shit. there are a millions things u dun like about the country and the government. but still you are a citizen of singapore cuz deep down inside you LOVE singapore.
but u see. just becuz i love singapore, it dun mean i can visit other countries. go on holiday! behind Singapore's back of cuz. it doesnt mean i dun love singapore anymore. i still want to be a citizen of singapore. im just going on a 7day 6night holiday. aint nothing wrong with that! you go there, enjoy the scenery, taste the exotic food. something new something different. you dun wanan be the guy who's never visited any other place. born in singapore. stays in singapore. never left singapore? no one wants to be that.
also... if you've never left singapore, how do u noe u love singapore that much?? i'll give u that, singapore is hot.. wet.. with a fast pace of life that'll leave u hot, bothered, sweaty and breathless from exhertion. but wat if thats not wat u want. maybe u like a slower type. like laid back new zealand with milk cows n stuff. maybe you're a germany guy or a russia guy. you'll never noe unless you've tried right? and in the end, after all the holidays, if u still come back to singapore, its like you still love singapore despite having tried all the other stuff. after everything, watching the scenery, tasting the food, you prefer singapore. and u can be sure u wana be a singapore citizen without any lingering doubts. now itsnt that better for everyone??
so i think, its time for us to not condemn fling takers. lets not call them cheating bastards and unfaithful whores. instead, let them be known as people taking the pilgrimage of confirmation. pilgrims who sleep around to be sure that the one they are currently with, is the one who they really want to be with. lets congratulate them and be envious of them just like when we find out that our frens r going on holiday. "you're going out with two girls?? GOOD FOR U! have fun! hope u still pick singapore n not migrate!"
(oh and btw, zi.. i wun be taking the pilgrimage. erm... i enjoy not knowing for sure if i wanna be a singapore citizen. the unknown is mysterious and intriguing to me. plus i cant afford to go on holiday =])
Vincent has left the building! [8:14 PM]
Food is a many splendid thing, food lift us up where we belong... All u need is food!
***
Sunday, June 13, 2004
The Story of Ha and Chew
Chapter 5
"That's it. Today's gonna be the day that I do it. No doubt about it. Yeah! I've got myself all psyched for it. This time I'm doing it for real! Uh huh...." For the 3rd time that week and the 15th time that month, Chew battled with himself to muster enough courage to speak to beautiful nameless stranger. The sun was already kissing the horizon casting a dizzying blend of purple orange and red across the sky indicating that in a few hours, the now vibrant sky would soon turn dark and be replaced by stars that would look like carelessly scattered diamonds upon the dark carpet of the heavens.
Life fell into a sort of pattern for Chew, if that is what you can call it. Chew had found out that beautiful nameless stranger was in the track team and that she often trained till late before heading home. And when beautiful nameless stranger trained, Chew would watch her from the grandstand, very much enraptured by her. He would watch; watch as the wind caressed her hair tantalizingly, as her cheek flushed pink from exertion and when she was done, he would put in spectacular effort to bring himself forward to engage her in idle conversation. But till today, his attempts have come up short and Chew is still no where closer to beautiful nameless stranger than he had been when he knocked her down the stairs.
As he paced back and forth the same spot in what looked like an attempt of genocide on the grass beneath his feet, Chew, the Hitler of the fauna world and nemesis to trampled vegetation campus wide, was unaware of the approaching figure coming up from behind him. He spun around with a start when he felt a tap on his shoulder and shocked was he to see that beautiful nameless stranger was standing right before him. What greeted his eyes nearly knocked him out; beautiful nameless stranger, all drenched in sweat from the run, looked positively alluring what with her wet T-shirt clinging onto her bodice akin to a second, all be it much more purple, skin. What her clothes suggested left little to Chew's imagination, which was not very much to begin with, and for the first time seeing her up close, Chew's came to appreciate her lean and well toned body.
"And what, might I ask, are you doing here?" questioned Ha with arms crossed beneath her breast and a single foot tapping in impatience but all Chew could do was to continually close his gaping mouth whose jaw kept falling slack back open. Sensing no reply from the human goldfish in front of her, Ha continued to speak, "Do not think for a moment that I've not noticed you these past few weeks. What do you think you're doing? Are you stalking me? Leave me alone, or do you plan to trip me over whilst I run? You little psycho you. I have no idea what perverse fetish you have with making people fall down the stairs or falling down the stairs yourself but I'll have you know right here right now that I'll have no part of your weird sexual games. For the last time leave me alone, I personally enjoy NOT falling down."
Satisfied that she'd finished what she wanted to say, Ha turned and started back towards the track. And as quickly as he fell into it, Chew snapped out of his hypnotic goldfish trance. Surely his situation with beautiful nameless stranger could not get any worse. He had to clear things up, and fast! Put into motion by the frightful prospect of never seeing her again, Chew finally mustered the courage to do what he had planned to do for half a year now. Defying all laws governing the logic of Chew, Chew ran after Ha catching up with her just at the edge of the track and shouted after her, "Wait! I can explain!"
Abruptly she stopped, swung around and looked at Chew eye to nose, adjusted the angle by tilting her head upwards and made eye contact with Chew and spoke with an icy cold countenance, "Don't bother." [Though part of that icy cold came from the up close and personal view of Chew's nose hair. He only dug for gold on the second Tuesdays of the month and should his nose get blocked before that time came, well he would just breathe through his mouth and not smell anything for that duration either.] And with that she made her 3rd 180 degree turn that evening and took the step onto the track. However it would be the third turn that would prove to be the most precarious.
Chew saw in slow motion as she spun around, took her first step out and tilt her head left. Observed how a streak of blue suddenly reduced velocity locking into the image of two human skulls smashing into each other. His mouth shaped into an "O" as he caught a glimpse of the runners leg catching onto Ha's extended foot launching him into the air. Then his eyes slowly widened till they were the size of saucers when he saw how Ha suspended in mid air as her legs were throw up by the impact and then suddenly and almost simultaneously, Ha and the runner both landed back on the track concluding with Chew now being the sole witness of this brutal woman-man collision.
Immediately rendered unconscious by the trauma dealt to the head in the impact, Ha laid, still and very silently on the ground in front of Chew.
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When Ha woke up, everything seemed very.. fuzzy. "What time is it?" She ventured groggily.
"9pm, you've been out close to 3 hours," came the reply.
She slowly opened her eyes and was surprised to see Chew. "You've been with me all this time? Where am I?!" she shouted suddenly alarmed and looking under the covers to see if she was still dressed. She gave a sigh of relief that she was still in her dirty purple T-shirt.
"You're in the campus medical center. I brought you here after you fainted. Don't worry... I didn't do anything. I'll go get the nurse," came the sharp reply from Chew obviously stung by the insinuation that his integrity was doubtful. Chew guarded his integrity murderously, for he and Kien had precious little of that commodity, at least in the eyes of others for they were the resident dimwit duo of the campus.
Sensing the resentment and obviously ashamed of what she had done, though she could never have known how much slight she had just inflicted on Chew, Ha quickly spoke, "No, I... didn't mean it that way.. sorta I guess. I guess, I owe you an apology as well as my thanks for bringing me here. You didn't have to stay here to watch over me but you did... Thank you."
With his back still facing Ha, suddenly overcome by anxiety Chew began to stammer his reply, "I... erm... too have to ap-apologise to to to you. I mean for knocking you up, I MEAN, ahh-- for ar knocking you down the stairs that -- that is that time.. SORRY!" He finished a little too loudly, "I'll get the nurse!"
"My name is Ha!" yelled the patient after the running figure with a small smile on her face. Giggling to herself she spoke softly enough only for her to hear, "Hmm he has a cute butt.. heehee."
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A janitor would find a runner in blue sleeping on the track the next morning.
Vincent has left the building! [9:18 PM]
Food is a many splendid thing, food lift us up where we belong... All u need is food!
***
